Paul Daley on the comfort of curated grief and the ghosts in his study
The journalist reflects on how rusted dog collars, paintings by late friends, and his parents’ belongings serve as tangible links to those who have passed.
Journalist Paul Daley has published a personal essay in The Guardian, exploring how mindfully curated possessions evoke potent memories of deceased loved ones. In the piece, titled In rusted collars and empty chairs, I still live with my beloved ghosts, Daley details the specific items in his study that serve as memorials, noting that these objects provide comfort despite their physical emptiness.
Daley describes sun-bleached and harbour-rusted collars and leads from deceased dogs hanging on a coatrack near his study. These items, which he refers to as memorial stalactites, include tags clipped to the fridge and one screwed into a backyard tree. The ashes of his most recent dog, Ronda, sit in an urn on the mantlepiece, which Daley notes has not yet been scattered because it is too soon.
The essay also highlights artworks by late friends, including landscapes by Bruce Haigh and a figurative painting titled Mad King George gifted by Ivor Lavery. Daley recalls Lavery, a friend from Belfast who welcomed him warmly during trips to the city in the early 2000s, noting that a memorial program from Lavery’s recent funeral was still visible at their usual meeting place, the Crown Bar.
Daleys study also contains an antique armchair used by his father during his final years with dementia and a packing trunk belonging to his mother, which she took on an 18-month trip to Europe in the early 1950s. Daley states that while these items bring him comfort, he avoids opening the trunk and does not use his father’s chair, which is currently occupied by his surviving dog, Olive.
The author reflects on the accumulation of mementoes over a long life, distinguishing between unwanted items kept out of deference and deliberately curated objects that evoke the strongest memories. He references his grandfather, who died suddenly almost a century ago, and photographs of pubs in Collingwood and North Melbourne where other grandparents grew up, illustrating how the dead remain present in his daily environment.